Preacher Study Notes 1990 br /> last updated 18 August 2008X
We have the gospel. Why, then, are many children of Christian parents not saved? Why do our children not know the “Faith of Our Fathers” and realize the “Joy of Our Salvation?”
Throughout my quest for answers to these questions, I have had to ask myself constantly: What is this study?
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Is it just a study of strict scriptural interpretation?
· Is it a study of parenting?
· Is it a study of behavior and behavior modification?
· Is it a study of discipline in the home?
· Is it a study of children obeying their parents in the Lord?
What is the study and what is its purpose? While the study includes all of the above topics, it is really about a somewhat different matter.
It is a study about souls — human beings — who have the decided advantage of learning the truth as a child, if we are only able to communicate it to them. It is a study about salvation. The question is: How can we save our children?
Even in nailing down the topic, I found frustration. There is a massive amount of literature on the market; and throughout that literature, all of the related topics listed above just flow together without distinction. The material was so vast that it was difficult to manage.
So I may not answer you questions today. I may not meet your expectations or your needs as I pass along information to you.
This is my approach to this study: I am passing along this material to gospel preachers who are parents, but also who have many searching, hurting parents needing help and needing answers. Am I qualified to do this? Certainly not. Are you?
Who sitting in this audience this afternoon basks in the floodlight of parental success? Not very many. Do we then throw up our hands and say no one can teach me because no one is qualified? That is not very practical or even very intelligent. Today we study and we learn together. And through that process we grow. We do better tomorrow than we did yesterday. We help others — yes, we pause to try to help others benefit from what we have learned through our own mistakes and failures. In some families, all children have been saved. In others, none have been. And, in even others, some have and some have not.
Why?
We do not have an answer to that question because what has worked in one family has not worked in another, even though both sets of parents have thought they were doing the very best in training their children in the Lord.
This one thing we do know: We cannot force our children to be saved. It will not work. We must set up conditions that hopefully will lead our children toward salvation, but we cannot force them. What can we do? First, we can turn to the Scriptures.
Please read: Deuteronomy 6:6-7 and 11:18-21.
In Deuteronomy 6, “to teach” means “to inculcate,” meaning train intensively God’s standards into the child by the use of repetition. It is to be consistent and to be given at every opportunity.
In Deuteronomy 11, “teach” means to “teach by intensive drill.” The same word is used to describe the training of a soldier for war. “The derivative of this word is the word for goad, a sharp stick used for prodding cattle or oxen. A goad was sharp enough to go through the animal’s tough hide and get his attention” (Fugate, p. 55).
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart. . .“ The Hebrew word translated here “train” is translated “dedicate” in every other place it is used. To dedicate means “to renew, inaugurate, or initiate” (Fugate, p. 52).
Parents are to initiate their children in a certain path — not just a one-time initiation or dedication, but an extended training process.
The result of this training is for this new way to become the child’s own way of life. When this transpires, the child will not leave the path even as he is growing older and becomes an adult (Fugate, p. 52).
The ancient root of this Hebrew word meant “to make narrow” and even “to strangle.” “In other words, parents are to restrict the path their children may follow” (Fugate, p. 52). They are not to wait until the child is almost grown and then try to exert some influence but to give this direction while he is still in the child state of development — under 13. Parents exert this control while the child is very young but gradually let go so that he can direct his own path by the time he is grown. “A child who has been trained to be obedient to his parents will respect their position of authority and be prepared to accept their instructions” (Fugate, p. 52).
Training of children is necessary, both restraining them from sin and teaching them the right path to follow. Children would prefer following their own ways rather than being led in the right way to go many times, but they cannot be left to their own whims and devices. Proverbs 29:15 teaches, "a child left to himself brings his mother to shame.” The Homiletic Commentary says that a parent should hedge in the pathway of a child.
“If the parent does not set a hedge about his son’s path, he is only making it certain that he will encounter thorns and snares further on in life . . . The child that is accustomed to bend its will to the will of a good father will not find it so hard to yield obedience to the will of God as he who has no such training” (Proverbs, p. 638).
The Homiletic Commentary does not teach that the promise of Proverbs 22:6 has universal application or guarantee; and many other commentators, such as Matthew Henry and Adam Clarke, agree. Henry calls it cruel neglect to let a child have its own way with no restraint and says this passage means, “evangelize them; initiate, keep them under discipline. Train them as soldiers, who are taught to handle their arms, keep rank and observe the word of command” (Henry, vol. 3, p. 917). These commentators believe the application is given as more of a general rule than an absolute guarantee, and they cite Solomon and the sons of Samuel as examples of their reasoning. Solomon, son of David, was trained by a man who was on a personal level with God; yet he went astray, although he is supposed to have come back before death. Another of David’s sons, Absalom, was reared in the same household, but he grew up to martial an army against his father. Samuel surely gave his sons adequate training in things spiritual, yet they were evil (see 1 Samuel 8:1-5). “Yet we cannot suppose that Samuel, who had seen in Eli’s family the miserable fruits of non-restraint, had neglected to train his sons” (Homiletic Commentary, Samuel, p. 639)
Adam Clarke says about this passage:
“Initiate the child at the opening of his path .. . When he comes to the opening of the way of life, being able to walk alone, and to choose; stop at this entrance, and begin a series of instructions, how he is to conduct himself in every step he takes. Show him the duties, the dangers, and the blessings, of the path; give him directions how to perform the duties, how to escape the dangers, and how to secure the blessings, which all lie before him. Fix these on him by daily inculcation, till their impression is become indelible; then lead him to practice by slow and almost imperceptible degrees, till each indelible impression becomes a strongly radiated habit” (p. 546).
And Clarke stresses the necessity of incessantly begging God for help. We cannot overemphasize the power of prayer.
Please read: Ephesians 6:1-4 and Colossians 3:21.
Vine says the word “right” means “that which is in accordance with rule.” Ephesians 6:2 is a repetition of the teaching in Exodus 20:12.
The verse in this passage in Ephesians that directly relates to our topic is verse 4. “Provoke” means “to stir to anger.” The word “nurture” means “chastening, denoting the training of a child, including instruction; hence discipline, correction, chastening —suggests the Christian discipline that regulates character.” (Vine, p. 183)
“Admonition” means “to correct by discipline or to train by act” (Vine, p. 31).
The difference between “admonition” and “teach” seems to be that whereas the former has mainly in view the things that are wrong and call for warning, the latter has to do chiefly with the importation of positive truth (Vine, p. 31).
The young evangelist Timothy is an example of one who had been trained in the Lord (cf. 2 Timothy 1:5). 2 Timothy 3:15 reads, “And that from a child thou hast known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.”
Jesus Himself is another example of a child obeying his parents (cf. Luke 2:40-52). Jesus was twelve years old at the time. Older women are to teach younger women how to accomplish these goals (Titus 2:3-5).
Not Working Anymore?
What Are Our Modern Problems?
First of all, let us establish that we cannot prove that they are not working. We have no research or statistics to prove that we are saving fewer children or a fewer percentage of children, than, say, thirty years ago. If our forefathers had enjoyed the overwhelming success that we think they did, the church in America would be much, much larger than it now is.
But, what are the modern problems that cause such a spiritual dilemma for many of our children? Why do they come into some homes and say, “I don’t believe those things anymore,” or “You can’t make me believe what you believe,” or other similar statements?
- 1. The concepts of good and evil have been blended in our world. This problem raises its ugly head in just about every problem we deal with today: sex, drugs, alcohol, lying, stealing, etc.
It is easy for those opposed to drug abuse to advocate: “Just Say No." The problem is people today have trouble deciding where the good stops and the bad begins. “Just Say No” is disarmingly simple advice. Yet, if it were uniformly practiced today, think what it could do not only for drug use but to all human temptations. “Just Say No” could also be applied to many human problems, including hatred, prejudice, crime, greed, corruption pornography, sexual diseases, alcoholism, eating disorders, the destruction of the environment — all of these could be handled effectively if “Just Say No” would work every time.
2. Television. Brother James Orten will discuss the impact of television on our society and our children in his presentation tonight. Let us just say that research proves conclusively that too much television or the wrong kind of programs can have negative effects on our children.
3. The music our young people listen to. Beyond a doubt, music has become an important part of life, and it was a source of unity in families for centuries. But, today it often divides us. In times past, families could sing together and listen to music together. But today what are we likely to hear in the home about music? “Turn that noise off.”
Just as it is with television, there is no doubt that music influences us. It affects our moods and emotions, and through it we express whether we are happy or sad. Some researchers tell us that music even affects babies in the womb.
A. P. Merriam expressed in his book, The Anthropology of Music, that “through the ages, music has always accompanied every deeply emotional human experience, from mourning to celebration. People have long used music to convey what is inexpressible in words, and all music serves the function of stimulating some kind of emotion” (Plain Truth, October 1989, p. 12).
Different types of songs express different emotions. Songs about nationalism stir love for a person’s country. Love songs help us pour out emotional feelings for another person. Spiritual songs and hymns express our praise to God.
Dr. Joseph Stuessy, professor of music at the University of Texas at San Antonio and author of The Heavy Metal User’s Manual, holds that music does affect behavior. “Any kind of music affects our moods, emotions, attitudes, and our resultant behavior. Music has both psychological and physiological effects on people. That’s why we have choirs and organs in churches and synagogues, bands at football games, Music in business and doctors’ offices, military marches, background music for movies and television programs, Jazzercise where legions of people are motivated to move by rock music, and most important, commercial jingles” (Gore, p. 37).
In past generations, church families always used music as a source of entertainment and a source of unity. It appears that we have lost that source of spiritual unity in many or most church families. Few things in society have contributed to the development or the widening of the generation gap more than modem music. Parents are alarmed by such music as heavy metal, punk-rock, and rap music of the modern generation; and well they might be. Besides the obvious problems of the direct immoral, irreverent, sadistic, and rebellion-stimulating messages in much modern music, there is also the problem of subliminal messages conveyed through the process of back masking.
A real concern of all caring parents and certainly all Christian parents today is expressed in the question, “What kind of music should children listen to?” There is no easy answer to that question. We do know that:
- a. Whatever is popular they will want to listen to.
b. There should be a balance as to the type of music allowed.
c. Saying “No” without discussion will cause resentment in some.
d. To some kinds of music (such as the types mentioned above), we must emphatically say, “No.”
Some singing groups promote not only sex but also violence and sadistic behavior on their album covers as well as in the words to the music. Some covers have explicit scenes blatantly pictured on them. Words to some songs are so grossly immoral and perverted that they have aroused the attention of even many parents of the world not connected with religion. Some of the activities of these parents as well as helpful information about what is really in many modern songs are given in a book called Raising PG Kids in an X Rated Society by Tipper Gore. Every parent should read this book, but you should know that it contains the most explicit language that you can imagine. This book contains modem song lyrics so explicit that I cannot read them before this audience. But these words are what many young people of today are listening to many hours a day.
“Plato wrote that music had the power to shape society. Today, those who orchestrate the successful commercial jingle can certainly control social and commercial behavior. Advertisers would not spend billions annually if music and other messages were not persuasive. According to Dr. Stuessy, music aids retention of verbal messages; we are more likely to remember a message if it comes to us in a musical context,” (Gore, p. 37).
If parents of the world are concerned enough to form a national organization to try to deal with the problem, surely we as Christian parents should realize the gravity of the situation and be very much concerned about what our children are listening to because it does make a difference what they listen to.
Music is like television. There is no doubt about the influence it has over anyone who listens—especially young minds still in the impressionable stages. It is bound to be one of the reasons some of our young are being led astray, rebelling against all that is right and good and desiring that which is evil.
4. Humanism has infiltrated our society. “It is safe to say that all public schools in America do indeed teach, to at least some degree, the philosophy” (Newsletter, p. 1).
The philosophy of humanism is credited as being a primary factor in the deterioration of Christian homes. This philosophy has crept into our public schools, television, radio, music, and other areas of our society. Children who have been taught the Bible by faithful Christian parents are coming home from school, in some instances, and announcing they do not believe the Bible any more. Why? Humanism is the answer in many cases.
... humanism has permeated, if not saturated every facet of our culture, including all but very conservative churches, and has become the working philosophy of all our professions and many of our businesses. Its scope is international, being accepted not only throughout the Western World, but also influential upon Third World nations (Waggoner, p. 6).
Humanism is a godless religion which makes man the only standard by which all things are to be judged. Modern humanism is not to be confused with what we often call humanness or humanitarianism. It is rather a militant philosophy which believes that man is but the evolutionary product of nature. It denies the existence of God, the authority of scripture, life after death, sin, heaven, hell, etc. While not a new philosophy, it was somewhat dormant until the advent and acceptance of Darwin’s theory of organic evolution in the Western World. Its beliefs are documented by the Humanist Manifesto I and II, published in 1933 and 1973, respectively. Humanism is the primary philosophy behind such modern social and political issues as the Equal Rights Amendment, the Gay Rights movement, abortion, and the right to suicide (Waggoner, p. 7).
Components of our society are now operating on humanistic rather than on Christian principles. That is not to say that most Americans are humanists, but many are. And it is no wonder since John Dewey introduced the ideas of humanism into our public school system many years ago. In one middle school, a teacher told her students that they should try homosexuality and heterosexuality to see which one they were meant to be. In one first grade classroom, the teacher played “Lifeboat Strategy” with her class. One student came home telling his mother there were two people in a boat: Jesus Christ and the mother. He bragged that he had thrown his mother out of the boat. These are the kinds of problems and decision-making situations used in the Quest program around the country. Underlying the concept of the Quest program is humanism.
5. Satanism. In some parts of the country, Satanism is becoming a big problem and is being promoted even by people in positions of influence. A police officer in our community warned parents to know with whom their children were running, where they were going, and what they were doing at all times because of this problem. Churches of Satan have even sprung up in some areas. Cults are spreading and have a real possibility of influencing our children.
6. Influence of Public Schools. In view of the topics we have discussed already, I think we can see that outside influences are bombarding our homes. The public schools are no exception. Just because something happens at school does not mean it is okay. We need to know what our children are doing at school and what they are being taught.
Parents must understand that it is not just hard-core rebellion against us or God that is the only problem. Some are subtly influenced and begin drifting long before they actually leave.
What Are Some Principles that Have Worked?
- 1. Teach them the gospel. Our children are just as subject to the Great Commission as any others in the world. It is still true for them that “He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned” (Mark 16:16).
We need to restore the family altar and home Bible study if we expect our children to respond to the gospel call. What they are taught in the public assembly of the church is not enough. They need parents in the home teaching them the gospel plan of salvation, too. Family nights create memory pockets for children; and even if they stray for a while, they will remember and, hopefully, return to the beliefs that have been instilled into them in the home. Family nights need not be just Bible reading and study, although these should be at the center. A variety of activities can be planned that will strengthen the family unit and bring it closer together, forming a bond that will carry with children as they go into their adult lives.
In the home and in the congregation, more individual Christians should design activities that will keep young people more actively involved in spiritual development. Recreational activities planned by individuals have their place, but we have too long neglected activities that will enhance spiritual growth.
2. Instill within them a love for the truth. Parents can let their children know that they are firmly grounded in the truth and that they believe in it. Parents should communicate their own love for the truth and their own conviction that they believe in the Bible and in its authority over their lives.
By example, parents can let their children know they are enjoying their Christianity and that it is real to them.
3. Teach values. One of the best ways to teach values is to allow young people the experience of deciding between right and wrong while they are still young. In other words, avoid overprotecting them. Overprotected children many times find themselves at a loss when they are finally confronted with the realities of life. Guide a pre-teen in little things regarding study habits, visiting with a friend, or the amount of time spent watching television. And, hopefully, by age 16, the teen will be ready to make reasonable judgments about such things and others more important for themselves.
The other side of overprotection is lack of guidelines. Many young people today are growing up with few restrictions. Many parents today simply do not know what their teenagers are doing. Not wanting to overprotect a child should not be a cop-out for parents who do not really want to deal with problems. Some parents must reason within themselves that if they do not know what their children are doing, they do not have to deal with the resultant problems. Just because they do not know what they are doing does not mean there are no problems. Teenagers sometimes try to inhibit their parents by demanding their rights to privacy. Parents have a right to know what their teenagers are doing as long as they are under their supervision.
Parents must first accept the fact that teenagers are going to be tempted. They do have feelings, and these will surface as they grow older. If we have not instilled, at early impressionable ages, the difference between right and wrong and the consequences of wrong, we will have a difficult time in the later growing up years. And even if we have instilled these values, we still may go through some rough times.
Parents should be instilling or internalizing God’s values into their children instead of imposing values upon them. “Imposing these values is a Band-Aid over a wound that will grow wider every year” (Lucas, p. 148). Jehoiada’s family learned that sacrificing for a child is not enough. “Love is not enough. Kindness is not enough. Either the values are a part of the child, or they are nothing and will disappear when you disappear” (Lucas, p. 148).
Some are able to produce children that look good on the surface, and there appear to be no problems. The values they have imposed last their children perhaps through high school or even college, but usually they do not last a lifetime.
“Like Pavlovian dogs that respond to the stimulus of the mastermind, your children can be behavior modified and assertively disciplined until their instant and mindless responses impress your friends and family and woo converts to the idea of parental despotism,” (Lucas, p. 148).
But the question is: Will those values disappear with you? It takes more time to internalize than to impose values. “Internalizing is a process, while imposing is simply an act” (Lucas, p. 149). One man taught his son about integrity by teaching him the Scriptures about a man of integrity. He discussed and observed the consequences of lying and the benefits of telling the truth. Then he asked him questions regularly about which kind of person he wanted to be. It was an ongoing process that took time.
4. Let home be a haven. Make home a comfort zone. Give your children pleasant and relaxed time at home. Be there to listen to a child when he needs to talk and to help him when he needs help. If a child is having frustrations at school because he is different, give all of the time he needs to work through those frustrations, all the while letting him feel your caring and your support.
5. Give unconditional love. The Bible is replete with teaching emphasizing that true love is unconditional. We are taught to love the sinner but hate the sin. Jesus dealt firmly with the Scribes and Pharisees; but all the while He prepared to die for them as well as for the rest of the world. As parents we cannot condone the sins of our children and expect to save them. But, on the other hand, we must let them know we love them and care about them and their salvation.
6. Be consistent. This principle is one of the most important and the most difficult.
7. Communicate. Children need someone to talk with even while they are still young. As teenagers they will find someone to talk with, of that we can be assured. If we have developed lines of communication while they are young, they will be much more likely to come to us with their problems in the later growing up years.
Create special times for communication — private communication. Take time away together. Take a child out to eat, take him fishing, take her shopping, engage in some things that will give you time with that child.
8. Pray. Most of all, pray. “Pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17) the great Apostle Paul so wisely advised. The most important tool we have in rearing our children in the Lord is prayer. We can use all other means at our disposal and not save our children without the Lord’s blessing. We need the Lord in the awesome task, and we must let Him know that we realize that need.
The power of prayer has made the difference in the saving of more children than we will ever know. The forces we are fighting are powerful, so we need God’s power with us in combating those forces. Paul said, “We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world” (Ephesians 6:12) God has promised to hear and answer our prayers, and we need that assurance as we attempt to bring children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
There is no formula for us to communicate to church members that will work in every case. Each situation is different. Each child. Each parent. Each family. But with God’s help, we can be successful in saving our children.
Clarke, Adam. Commentary on the Whole Bible. One Volume Edition. Michigan:Baker Book House, 1967.
______ Newsletter. “Do All Public Schools Teach Humanism?” Building
Better Christian Homes. (September-October 1989), p. 1.
Fugate, J. Richard. What the Bible Says about Child Training. Texas:Aletheia Publications, 1980.
Gore, Tipper. Raising PG Kids in an X-rated Society. New York:Bantam Books, 1987.
Harris, W., et.al. A Homiletic Commentary on the Old Testament. New York:Funk and Wagnall’s Company, n.d.
Henry, Matthew. Commentary on the Whole Bible. Six volumes. Virginia: Macdonald Publishing Company, n.d.
Lucas, J. R. Parenting of Champions. Tennessee: Wolgemuth and Hyatt Publishers, Inc., 1989.
______ “Tune Up Your Musical Taste.” Plain Truth Magazine. (October
1989), p. 12.
Vine, W. E. An Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words. New Jersey:Fleming H. Revell Company, 1966.
Waggoner, Robert L. What’s Happening to Our Christian Homes?
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